Doesn’t it just sound amazing, a few dollars, a few appointments, a touch of pain and you are hair free forever. Well if you are dark haired and ethnic like myself then you’ve probably spent your youth suffering through creams, waxes, shaving, tweezing and despair.
And now science has brought you a miracle. Well, you know the saying, if it sounds too good to be true, then it is too good to be true. This laser ‘technology’ is exploiting the desperation of thousands of women. As if it weren’t painful enough going through life hairier than most of the men we date, now we get the added bonus of being robbed.
Here’s my experience with one laser clinic in San Francisco, named City Skin and Laser Clinic: Full legs costs $420 per visit, full arms costs $225 per visit, lip and chin costs $85 per visit. According to the clinic, no more than six to eight appointments are required and then you are released from your hairy prison for life.
So, from August 2007 until August 2010, I went every six weeks. It was sheer agony (even with the topical lidocaine that they use to numb the area), but it was going to eliminate embarrassment and self hatred from my life… right?
Three years and SIXTEEN appointments later the results are as follows: The leg hair seems to have weakened somewhat. However the arm and facial hair has not only thickened, but begun to sprout in areas that were previously hair free! The upper arm, which previously had barely a wisp of fine hairs is now a carpet of think black pubes, my knuckles are hairier than some of the dates I’ve rejected because of their hairy knuckles, and I have started to grow hair on my neck!!!
So, what does my sweet therapist at City Skin and Microdermabrasion Laser clinic have to say? “Honey, it’s all in your head.”
No, it’s on my arms, hands and face, and the only thing that is in my head is how I have spent a ton of money, endured unbelievable pain and wasted hours of time for something that has not only failed but has made matters worse.
Girls (and guys), don’t waste your time or money on laser hair removal. If you are descended from a rug, then… actually I don’t know how to finish that sentence. How do we live with our aesthetic disadvantage? Anyone who is successfully living a hairy life, please feel free to contact me and let me know how it is you get through life without sinking into a deep, suicidal depression?
All suggestions, words of encouragement or just effective techniques for killing oneself welcome.